álainn hijabi: SZulaikha

assalamualaikum, readers! I faced a lot of things these days on my own. I am so used to swallow it all in by myself only if I cannot hold it in then, I will text my best friend or close friends. Only for that one matter only. The one that I think or feel, is important.  Today, I shall blogged about closure. 2nd June, I received a news in perth, my beloved uncle saide passed away. We told him that we were coming for raya this year before his condition got worst. He said to us, "I will be waiting." So, we were honestly excited because we wanted to spend as many time as we could. However, Allah has his plans. Allah loves him more. Alhamdulilah, all went smoothly. When I got the news, I was grasping with another news of someone dearly who has passed away too. She passed away first in the morning, followed by Uncle Saide, at 4pm. Even still, it was my birthweek and initially, wanted to celebrate it but when all of this happens, I am at loss for words,  Back to the...

assalamualaikum, readers.  Its's Ramadhan. Soon, it will be end of Ramadhan. I admit I've not been a good Muslim. I've not been doing what I've been asked to do. I miss reading the Quran and I miss doing every single terawih. I am supposed to treat this like my last ramadhan. So much I want to experience another Ramadhan next year, it scares me especially seeing my loved ones passed away. It scares me that death is near and I am not ready yet. Anytime. I am afraid, too afraid. Overthinking kills me so badly. I am scared that I won't get to do the things I wanna do. I didn't get to pray anymore like I used to. I have so many sins that I am desperately want to get rid of it. The feeling of it is too strong. I am not doing anything to make it right. I felt bad and guilty for not doing my duties as a muslim. I felt bad and guilty for staying awake and not reading my quran. Not doing things that are more beneficial  for the hereafter. I was busy going after th...