Feels Like.


assalamualaikum, readers(: 

I know I promised you the eid post, it's in my draft, waiting for my friend to upload the pictures which I think she will upload it after exam. Soon, okayy? 

Well, I just like blogging today. Things happen. A lot of things, family, school, friends and ... men. Or should I say guys? I don't know honestly. They said "wait, your turn will come." But, waiting is suffering, it is painful. My dad said the same thing too. Family? I don't know. I thought they would understand. But they did not. They questioned every single thing about my parents thus if you read my tweets, the angry ones, its all about them. Sometimes I ask myself, why do I care so much? Why do I even bother to care about them? Respect and I miss the happy times. I guess you can never get it back. 

I don't want to bother anyone about my problems and thus, I am always smiling and laughing. Making people happy is much better even though I am hurting inside. Or even crying. Last time, I wanted my old family back but now, I don't want anymore because they are not the same. If you think, I am sharing a lot of information here, well, I am telling you, I just need to type something down because if not, everything will build up. 

As for guys, I am tired. Honestly. Its okay if I have to start the conversation first but its not okay when I have to do it always. I need to feel appreciated too. Worst part when I started the whole conversation, you did not reply. And when you did, I am already asleep. I cannot wait forever. I understand you have work to do so do I. Respect me and I will respect you. and, being shy is cute but not extremely shy, till you don't dare to take a step forward just because you are scared of rejections. You said "Don't try to change me. " okay, I won't, continue doing it, you will lose a chance. It seems like I am forcing him rights? I am okay if he can stand up on his own and fight for his own right.But he can't. Just because he is afraid of rejections. Well, you know why, because my dad is the same as him. And, I had enough. 

Seeing my dad getting bullied, it hurts.  Seeing my dad getting stepped over, it hurts. Seeing my dad slogging out everyday and his friend backstabbed him at work, it hurts. Seeing my dad wanted to continue schooling but there is no support from his siblings and mom, it hurts. And I don't want to see a man that is unable to fight for what he wanted. Even if he failed in getting them, its okay, at least I know he did try. at least, he learnt from his failures. 

I feel better. I don't need your sympathy. Just read. At least I know, you are there. 

and, no worries, I am fine. I have a mission, you know. 

"To make people happy each day with my antics whether they are my friends or not."

Love,

SZulaikha.

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