assalamualaikum, readers. 
this came late but I still want to type it down. 
Dua Puluh Lima.  seakan tidak percaya
aku sudah hidup begini lama seorang anak dara  yang sudah dewasa
I had my fair share of celebrations when I was a kid. Because my birthday is in June thus every school holidays we will be overseas. And thus, I celebrated it overseas. But it stopped when I was 20. I stopped having cakes. I stopped blowing candles. I stopped. All I wanted was just a celebration for myself. I celebrated myself. 
I stopped expecting gifts from friends but I do appreciate them when they gave me gifts or even spent time with me. Birthdays become any other day but I remembered it because technically, I should celebrate it no matter what. It is not that any other day, I cannot pamper myself but it is just special if I do it on my birthday. 
This year, my dear friends gave me a small cake and candle to blow, birthday box with al-quran & a long sleeve shirt with our hastag, birthday dinner &…

Off Day Currently: Vol 4.

R E A D I N G "The Desire for Elsewhere" by Agnes Chew.  This book is written by a Singaporean writer. This book takes an intimate journey by travelling to the past,  parallel planets, and the future,  it tells a story of stories that explores the universal themes of love and loss, time and transcience and travel and wanderlust.  I love this series of books. Of course by different writers. You can get them at BooksActually. 
Favourite Excerpt from the book: Teacup, Myanmar 2013. An almost teacup - partially painted, partially glazed. 
"Is this for sale? " Later that evening, as the sun sank into the nooks of faraway mountains, a question crept into my mind, "what if that had been Thanda's personal display of prized pottery? "
This blog post. Finally updating on the off day currently series. & Replying to whatsapp messages. 
W A T C H I N G Prime Minister & I: Ep 5
C L I C K I N G In search of plane tickets & windbreaker fo…

Untitled #3.

I tried. 
I tried to know about you.
I tried to get close to you. But, yet, you chose to stay away. 
You chose to let it go. 
You chose to deal it yourself.  I signed up to stay but you signed up and chose "no-show".
It was supposed to be our deal. 
But you gave up without fighting.  Years down the road, don't even start trying.
Past is past.
You made your choice and clearly I wasn't the one.No second chance.  No trying again.  As I will be the one who will give up fighting without trying.

Untitled #2.

We began as strangers.

I don't know you.
You don't know me either.

I knew a quarter of your story.
You knew mine.

We were almost like twins.
Just that the opposite sex.

You told me the biggest secret.
No one knew except your friends and me.

You were supposed to get married to her two weeks ago.
But you left because you were scarred.

You chose to leave to save yourself.
People who does not know your story may thought you were selfish.
But you were actually protecting yourself.

At first, you kept it safe.
You told me you were okay.
But I know you wasn't.

On the very day you supposed to get married,
you texted me,
"I loved her but she wasn't convinced.
 I put down my dignity and pride but she took advantage.
 I gave her love but she gave me pain."

At that point, I imagined the sorrow in your eyes.
The ache in your heart,
The cold sweat on your hands.
Your lips probably shivered.

I kept quiet as you ranted on and on,
And when you were done,
All I could say was "…

Untitled #1.

Your smile.
Your little pride. 
Your way of thinking. 
Your past.  I was in your past. 
I saw how vulnerable you were.
How you were afraid that you will not be in heaven if you defy your dad's orders. 
How you would always put your parents first when I knew it was hard for you sometimes.  And that was mad respect actually. 
All I could do was listen to you. 
And secretly prayed Allah will ease your affairs.  8 years later,  you changed. 
Eversince you had this job. 
I am not blaming this job because every job is rezeki from Allah.
I had not met you for years. 
So I blamed myself for not being there enough.  But, this wasn't the change that I was expecting.
Where was the person I had respect for? 
Where was the person that uphold family values and religion?
Where was the person that motivated me secretly to become a better person?  I was sad. 
In myself. 
For not being there all these years.  Little things of you I remembered clearly. 
Your pure in…


"Sebuah harapan yang telah dibina, Harapan setinggi-tinggi langit,  kini ia tinggal kenangan semata, Tak mengapa, aku tau aku akan bangkit. 
Lelaki tak fikir tentang kata-kata, Taburkan janji manis tiada makna, Kita fikir ia buat masa depan kita, Tetapi akhirnya, dibiar begitu saja.
Tak salahkan lelaki sepenuhnya, Kita tersalah tafsir kata-katanya, Terlalu percayakan akan cintanya, Kononnya dia, kita yang punya.
Ini tentang aku yang tak serik, Dengan lelaki yang manis dimulut, Badan dan wajah yang menarik, Sehinggakan aku...... *ran out of kosa kata*
this is just my point of view.  this year, full of rejections/heartbreaks. this one last pedih-pedih hor. 

Introspeksi: Ziarah 2016.

assalamualaikum, readers!
I just realised that I did not post my 24th birthday celebration post. boooo mehhhh! so, actually my laptoppie is in the hospital again. oh nooo! thus, lack of updates, sorry yaaaa! and today's post is for my first theatre musical production I did for SIM and also, first paid show, INTROSPEKSI; ZIARAH 2016, which was on 24th September 2016!!!
and, first time wear makeup from professional people and also, wearing falsies. that one, first and last mann! so heavy that it blocked half of my eyesight. feels sleepy all the time. and, it keeps on poking my eyes. but, it was still a good experience. kahwin, tak nak pakai la. menyemak je. 
However, it was a good experience and learning new things along the way under Abang Moktar or he is known as KEATAR HM. I joined initially as a dancer because I wanted to take a break from acting. We attended workshops so that we will be equipped with basics before anything else. Then, of course, during workshops, I gave my all…