Untitled #2.

We began as strangers.

I don't know you.
You don't know me either.

I knew a quarter of your story.
You knew mine.

We were almost like twins.
Just that the opposite sex.

You told me the biggest secret.
No one knew except your friends and me.

You were supposed to get married to her two weeks ago.
But you left because you were scarred.

You chose to leave to save yourself.
People who does not know your story may thought you were selfish.
But you were actually protecting yourself.

At first, you kept it safe.
You told me you were okay.
But I know you wasn't.

On the very day you supposed to get married,
you texted me,
"I loved her but she wasn't convinced.
 I put down my dignity and pride but she took advantage.
 I gave her love but she gave me pain."

At that point, I imagined the sorrow in your eyes.
The ache in your heart,
The cold sweat on your hands.
Your lips probably shivered.

I kept quiet as you ranted on and on,
And when you were done,
All I could say was "…

Untitled #1.

Your smile.
Your little pride. 
Your way of thinking. 
Your past.  I was in your past. 
I saw how vulnerable you were.
How you were afraid that you will not be in heaven if you defy your dad's orders. 
How you would always put your parents first when I knew it was hard for you sometimes.  And that was mad respect actually. 
All I could do was listen to you. 
And secretly prayed Allah will ease your affairs.  8 years later,  you changed. 
Eversince you had this job. 
I am not blaming this job because every job is rezeki from Allah.
I had not met you for years. 
So I blamed myself for not being there enough.  But, this wasn't the change that I was expecting.
Where was the person I had respect for? 
Where was the person that uphold family values and religion?
Where was the person that motivated me secretly to become a better person?  I was sad. 
In myself. 
For not being there all these years.  Little things of you I remembered clearly. 
Your pure in…


"Sebuah harapan yang telah dibina, Harapan setinggi-tinggi langit,  kini ia tinggal kenangan semata, Tak mengapa, aku tau aku akan bangkit. 
Lelaki tak fikir tentang kata-kata, Taburkan janji manis tiada makna, Kita fikir ia buat masa depan kita, Tetapi akhirnya, dibiar begitu saja.
Tak salahkan lelaki sepenuhnya, Kita tersalah tafsir kata-katanya, Terlalu percayakan akan cintanya, Kononnya dia, kita yang punya.
Ini tentang aku yang tak serik, Dengan lelaki yang manis dimulut, Badan dan wajah yang menarik, Sehinggakan aku...... *ran out of kosa kata*
this is just my point of view.  this year, full of rejections/heartbreaks. this one last pedih-pedih hor. 

Introspeksi: Ziarah 2016.

assalamualaikum, readers!
I just realised that I did not post my 24th birthday celebration post. boooo mehhhh! so, actually my laptoppie is in the hospital again. oh nooo! thus, lack of updates, sorry yaaaa! and today's post is for my first theatre musical production I did for SIM and also, first paid show, INTROSPEKSI; ZIARAH 2016, which was on 24th September 2016!!!
and, first time wear makeup from professional people and also, wearing falsies. that one, first and last mann! so heavy that it blocked half of my eyesight. feels sleepy all the time. and, it keeps on poking my eyes. but, it was still a good experience. kahwin, tak nak pakai la. menyemak je. 
However, it was a good experience and learning new things along the way under Abang Moktar or he is known as KEATAR HM. I joined initially as a dancer because I wanted to take a break from acting. We attended workshops so that we will be equipped with basics before anything else. Then, of course, during workshops, I gave my all…

Face The Reality.

Assalamualaikum, readers! There are so much things to update. Sorry I stopped blogging for a while. Sorry for not updating. Sorry if you came by to visit but there wasn't any new post published. I don't know where to start. Its 3am now. And I just finished watching a korean drama titled "Uncontrollable Fond". Cried so much. Meraung kind. As if I was the one acting it out. Back to the topic. The reason why my title is "Face The Reality" because I have been living in an imaginary world where everyone are nice and good people. I have been living in the past. I have been living in the the childhood moments where only I remember. I couldn't accept the fact that everyone changed. Everyone. The ones who tried to protect me back then, left. The ones who took care of me then, grew old. The ones who loved me then, died. The ones who I looked up to then, changed. Sad how I cried so much over the fact that it wasn't the way I wanted to be. I was...naive. I was …

Life After Diploma.

assalamualaikum, readers. :) I am still figuring it out. It sure to be sucks to be having a part-time job which I don't even know what will happen to me cause they didn't tell me what happened.
You know the lost feeling of not able to do something. When people ask me, "zu, what are you doing now?" I used to say, "still figuring it out. So staying home now and do a part time job." They will reply, " you mean the kids craft job? Why don't you be a teacher or pre school teacher?" I thought of that too but my distraction level is the same as them. 5 minutes, I am out. In fact, faster than them. I get helpless easily. And fidgets a lot. (Maybe because too much of fidgets) hahahaha. Inside joke sorry!
And now, I say that I am taking a break. Surviving on the current job. If you have any one off event job, please email me at thank you. Need it a lot thanks.
Also, I am starting soon on the SIM production which starts offic…

Diploma Graduation 2016.

assalamualaikum, readers!
I have officially graduated from Republic Polytechnic with a Diploma!!  Alhamdulilah. And here is a thank you post for everyone I am going to mention. Spare me for this post hor. Cause I have been waiting for graduation day since forever. Okay and here it is!
Thank you to:
1. Ayah & Ibu:  Despite you not knowing the school system, what I studied and the modules I had to repeat, both of you still give me support even though you made fun of me sometimes. You were there ibu to tell me its okay when I saw 'F' on my result slip. You told me to be strong every time I failed. Thank you for that support ibu! Your hugs during the times I needed it made it all better!
For ayah, thank you for still believing in me! And giving me green light to do degree in the future. I know your desire to complete your studies but you couldn't due to financial reasons. Someday, Ayah, I will make that dream of yours come true! Meanwhile, lets make your other drea…