Positive To Negative Real Quick.

assalamualaikum, readers. :)

Aida Azlin asked in the Sisterhood FB, my biggest lesson this year so far. And I said that, "I learnt that the dua you made at a certain point in life which you really wanted at that point of time, does not need to be answered immediately because Allah has better plans for you in the future. And to get to the things you wanted or even better, you will have to go through his tests and he will reward you greatly. And this year is the year that almost of my dua has been answered. Alhamdulilah for all the blessings he gave me. " 

This year was so good that I did not mange to write them down. Allah gave me a job that I fell in love with. I got 2 upcoming school trips. I got to be involved in Introspeksi 2018 again but as a crew which often people overlooked. But it is important as it is. I tried Netball again, a sport I left for 11 years because of aurat. I assist the kids in Netball ECA. Do you know how happy I was? To rekindle love again for Netball. I could only dream and watched netball games on tv. To finally shoot again and do passes. I am looking forward to that every Thursday. And, my good friend is getting married and she made me her maid of honour, I have not been given any priority for that before. 

I know you will be saying that I look down on myself often or looking for sympathy. Maybe I am. Maybe I tried. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to go after for fame. I wanted to be on youtube but I had no talent. People watched my show and they came up to me and said, "they love me."  But actually, to live my own dream. More of, I wanted recognition from my own parents and family. I wanted to see them applause for me. For my character I played. Every single time, I went out to look for my own families, it feels like I don't have any. Is this the cost I paid for my own dreams? 

They don't understand what I do shape me. Every conversation had them questioning what I do. I know acting or netball does not last me anything but it made me happy. genuinely. 

Please remind me when I become a parent one day, I will be that supporting parent in everything my kids do. I will not let my kids feel that I do not support them. I will be their cheerleader and always be.