álainn hijabi: SZulaikha

assalamualaikum, readers.  Its's Ramadhan. Soon, it will be end of Ramadhan. I admit I've not been a good Muslim. I've not been doing what I've been asked to do. I miss reading the Quran and I miss doing every single terawih. I am supposed to treat this like my last ramadhan. So much I want to experience another Ramadhan next year, it scares me especially seeing my loved ones passed away. It scares me that death is near and I am not ready yet. Anytime. I am afraid, too afraid. Overthinking kills me so badly. I am scared that I won't get to do the things I wanna do. I didn't get to pray anymore like I used to. I have so many sins that I am desperately want to get rid of it. The feeling of it is too strong. I am not doing anything to make it right. I felt bad and guilty for not doing my duties as a muslim. I felt bad and guilty for staying awake and not reading my quran. Not doing things that are more beneficial  for the hereafter. I was busy going after th...

assalamualaikum, readers(:  I cried for every time I lose someone along the way.  I am so sensitive when it comes to heart issues.  I get so annoyed when every time someone comes for a period of time Especially when I needed someone, left. "Am I not worth it?" "Am I that vulnerable that you were taken aback?" "Am I someone who you think that can handle all of this things on my own?" Someone told me this, "Just leave them hanging. Don't need to give explanation to them.  They don't care."  You know what, that someone left me too.  Words can be so motivating and comforting through text from a stranger.  But, it will be meaningful if they said in person because it is much more convincing. At least, I would believe it. At that moment. Even there is no effort.  I need to see effort. They made an effort but in the end, once they got you. They stopped trying. We are not even in relationship yet. Reason be...

assalamualaikum, readers (:  I have so many drafts but yet, it is all halfway done. I don't know what to type. I lost the momentum. These few weeks had been crazy. My phone had been buzzing due to whatsapps and emails were non-stop. Reason being, I am a producer for the Arena Pentas 2014 this year. I was lost at first, I took things lightly but now, I am enjoying it. I was having a breakdown last few weeks. Overwhelmed by everything that came at one go at me. I sent emotional texts to my friends. I don't know how to explain to them.  I wanted to cry but something is holding me back. Sleepless nights, school suffers, discipline was almost zero, I had barely time for myself. I barely breathing. Okay, I get stressed easily. Pressurized by things that I created in my mind. It is messed up because I think about everything at the same time.  I had the strong urge to give up every single time I got stressed. EVERY SINGLE TIME! However, I find myself, moving forwa...

assalamualaikum, readers. (:  Selalu cerita pasal kawan-kawan atau event-event yang berlaku dalam hidup aku kan. kenapa tetiba berbual melayu eh? ala, sekali-sekala why not? next post, omputih balik okay? janji! hehehe. so, post kali ini untuk ibu dan ayah walaupun dorang tak baca and dorang tak pernah tahu aku ada blog. Motif post ni? Saje je, ingin ingatkan diri aku tentang mereka. Macam aku cakap tadi, post ini khas untuk mereka.  Okay, sambung balik. Aku bersyukur sangat ada ibu & ayah. Sebab aku ada kawan-kawan yang takda ayah atau ibu. Jadi, aku bersyukur sangat. Dulu, aku tak rapat dengan ibu & ayah sebab aku membesar dengan bonda. Bonda adalah makcik aku yang menjaga aku sejak bayi lagi, sampai aku Darjah 4, 10 tahun. Ibu & Ayah ambil aku dari bonda untuk tinggal dengan mereka. Masa tu, aku benci gila dengan dorang sebab pisahkan aku dengan Bonda. Hari-hari kat rumah, mogok! Tak nak makan, tak nak cakap, semualah tak nak. Sampaikan bonda terpaksa t...

I've told you before right, books and tea are my escape.  okay & tumblr. (:  assalamualaikum, readers. (:  What is happiness to you? Happiness to me is when I do something on my own and I get credit for it or someone praises me. Happiness to me is when I read my book and have tea at the balcony. Happiness to me is when someone that I like, likes me too. Happiness to me also means that my family is happy and smiling. I feel happy when people that I love are happy. (:  As I grow older, I began to appreciate what I have now. I tried to make time for everyone. I tried to text them often. I tried but I kept on failing. Yes, I cannot please everyone but at least, I've tried. Someone said to me before, "I like you when you put others first before yourself because it shows that you care." One thing for sure he doesn't know. I need to put myself first sometimes. Again, someone asked me, "Zoo, are you happy?" Am I? Happy? I look at her a...