Regret.

assalamualaikum, readers. 

Its's Ramadhan. Soon, it will be end of Ramadhan. I admit I've not been a good Muslim. I've not been doing what I've been asked to do. I miss reading the Quran and I miss doing every single terawih. I am supposed to treat this like my last ramadhan. So much I want to experience another Ramadhan next year, it scares me especially seeing my loved ones passed away. It scares me that death is near and I am not ready yet. Anytime. I am afraid, too afraid. Overthinking kills me so badly. I am scared that I won't get to do the things I wanna do. I didn't get to pray anymore like I used to. I have so many sins that I am desperately want to get rid of it. The feeling of it is too strong. I am not doing anything to make it right.

I felt bad and guilty for not doing my duties as a muslim. I felt bad and guilty for staying awake and not reading my quran. Not doing things that are more beneficial  for the hereafter. I was busy going after the dunia till I felt so empty inside. I had feelings but it wasn't genuine anymore. It was fake, All of it. I don't know how to tell people about how I felt. Because they won't understand. They won't at all.

Its the last ten nights. Please guide me back to your path, Guide me back.

May all of your last ten nights will be greater. :)

sorry for the rants. I need to let it all out. thanks for reading!