Twenty-Six.

assalamualaikum, readers :)

twenty six. this year is my year. Maybe it is too soon to say that because it is only June. But.....Alhamdulilah, alhamdulilah, so many good things happen this year. The dua that I've made when I was at my lowest times, got answered this year. I am thankful for that. Super thankful. 

Firstly, I fell in love with my job, being a Teacher Assistant on this special needs path even though, it made me exhausted some days but it made me happy. Secondly, I finally had my solo trip to Hong Kong came true. It wasn't that scary maybe because HK was similar like SG but I was glad that I did that. Thirdly, I went on a volunteer trip in the month of Ramdhan and made new friends. This shall be my beginning for volunteer trips. To more of that! Fourthly, to be part of Big Mouth Production. :P 

soooooo just now, I had a phone call conversation with my bonda. She made a prayer and said, "Ya, allah, please let me see my grand children or please let me see my favourite girl get married to the person that she loves and that loves her before I close my eyes." Obviously, she said it in malay.  I made so many pickuplines but none of them are for anybody. I told her umpteenth times that I am not seeing anyone and it has been years because I don't want to lie and gave her hope that I will marry someone sooner. 

that is one dua that has not been answered and honestly, there were times that I did not make that dua because I was scared. I was scared of committing to someone. I was scared to love him at his lowest point of his life. I was scared to hold him when he needed me to. I was scared to argue and fight for whats worth. I was scared for something that is yet to happen. I was scared...just to love a stranger and his loved ones. 

soooooo again, dear self, 

tough times are not over. there will be more in the future. I know you are struggling with self-love. I know its hard especially when those nights you had insomnia or that anxious feeling that made you awake at night. Even when you are insecure. When no one knew how sad and clingy you are but Allah knows. And you do not want to tell because you are scared of what people thinks about you. 

zu, you are amazing. clumsy but entertaining. thanks for being yourself. Thanks for being kinder always. thanks for wanting to make your parents happy, thanks for making an effort and show up each day. 

lets just keep doing you and keep making that dua, to have a husband that loves & cares for you and your loved ones. meanwhile, to more solo trips/volunteer trips/dates with you! 

Happy 26th! Love you to the moon and back!







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