Honestly.


assalamualaikum, readers(: 

Heartbreaks. Confirm you all bored of this again and again right? Just this time round okay? 2016, will be just a new page and new things I learn or places I went. These days, I am the heartbreaker one. I refused to let any man in. Their enthusiasm in knowing me does not interest me anymore. My excuse is busy. Honestly, I am afraid. To take that one step. I cannot imagine myself being in a relationship after so many years being single. I am afraid that my heart cannot take any more heartbreaks, cheating and whatnot. I am afraid if I cannot be that awesome girlfriend. I am afraid that when problems arise, I will be running away or he left me. I am afraid to go through another day missing them. When I am in love, I will be that hopelessly in love. Or are we all are???

Dated a few times and then, when they said, "lets go another level." It cringes me. I asked for more time. But how long more? I asked myself. They cannot wait for me for the rest of their lives even though they said they would. Jangan selfish! So, I told them, I am not ready for a relationship. When they finally let me go, I told to myself, "Kalau sekarang tak ready, sampai bila-bila pun tak ready, betul ke idak?"

I reflected on myself a lot about life. Dah tua kan kena sedar diri sikit. All of us have flaws. For example, "Lelaki tu handsome la, tapi dia panas baran." atau "Perempuan tu baik tapi dia tak lawa." Flaws tu. I tend to run away when I found out the flaws the opposite sex has. Because I don't know how to handle them. Instead of taking a step forward, I took a step backward. Coward. Loser. Saya la tu. 

Rasa menyesal tak sudah lepas tu. Tapi dah terlambat, sebab apa, orang pun dah belah. So, don't be like Siti Zulaikha, ye. I am sure you are much more better than I am. And my flaw is I cannot accept other's flaws especially lelaki. Solution is to learn to accept their flaws slowly. If I don't know anything about it, ask. Don't assume. Learn to accept their flaws by learning about them. 

Nampak tak azam 2016 kita tu? HAHAHAHA. Thanks for reading! 

Okay dah, love chu! 



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