Late Night Rants.

assalamualaikum, readers. 

there are so much happy vibes going on. two of my good friends are getting married this year. Like I am so happy. Nabilah is getting married in March while Farhana, in October. I think I am over that phase where I also want to get married because my friends are getting married. Get me? 

I mean when I told my family about it, let's say, "ibu, my friends are getting married! I am so happy for them." And they will be like, "why are you so happy? It is not as if you are getting married what!" Oh my Allah! Why can't I be happy for them? Why can't you just say nice things? I really truly feel happy for them. The fact they asked me whether they make the right choice or not. Even so, they don't need to but they did because they want to. I know they have make the right choice because I have hang out with Nabilah's Fiance before and even though, I've met Farhana's fiance once, I know that they will take good care of each other. 

their happiness matters to me. who does not want to get married, you tell me. I do. I do want to have a boyfriend and then get married. But, at certain point, I don't want to. It is scary. How am I supposed to trust someone with my whole life? Will he give me off days and solo trips? Will he support me when I say I want to study again? Will he help out with household chores? Will he gives me time and be patient while I improve my cooking? Will he hugs me when I needed one and also, praises me when I did a good job at what I do? Will he read Quran with me before sleep?

 That man who is going to be my future husband gotta try real hard man. He has to make sure I never walk away every single time we argued. 

I am way difficult than I thought I can be. HAHAHA. overthinking sucks. I still have this thinking where every potential man I met, might be someone I marry. All the potential scenarios happening in my head. But the truth is, it does not works that way. I still have to go through the introduction phase, texting and more texting and then, if it does not work out, we just stopped...texting. And then it starts again.

To a point, I just want to skip all the introductions with every potential soulmate I met and he will  just ask me, "jom kahwin next year!" I know its weird and scary. It can only happen with someone I already know or my friends's friend. You know, that way, I will trust their judgement. 

so yeah, first thing first, I need to correct my intention. In whatever I do. And stop overthinking and leaves the rest to the one above. 

till then, goodnight.

"Tuhan kurniakanlah aku cinta, andai tiba masanya untukku hidup berdua. Tak kira siapa, ku percaya kau atur jalan cerita. Doaku hanya bahagia bersamanya." - Dibalik Senyum, Hyrul Anuar 


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