the saddest truth.



No one understands that I just want to be with someone that I love
who loves me back. 


I feel like blogging again! remember about the wedding yesterday, which I blogged just now? Yeaaaah, the most dreadful reason why I refuse to go to wedding sometimes is because people will ask "when is your turn?" For goodness sake, I am 21 years old only. I have things to do. I want to do things I've planned out. My younger cousins were teasing me, "kak, bila kak nak kahwin? " chill laaaa, they thought getting married is easy. Akad nikah, register at ROM, dah sah kahwin. Not that easy broo. Maintaining a relationship is not even easy la.

Marriage aside. Relationships. The saddest truth is that I am single. A good thing and a bad thing. Everyone seem to be in a relationship. Cousins and friends. Meeting them will start off with "so, how are you and him? " Talking about their problems that you wished you will be them instead on other hand, you don't wish to. 
Seeing them tweet, "meeting my other half, etc" Jealous? I've been jealous for years. Now, I don't seem to care unless I am on my period month. That will be totally different. 

My best friend told me this, " I want to see you date a guy/man so badly. " Prolly because after that bad date, I stopped literally. I was afraid. Totally afraid. No, he did not do anything bad to me. Its just his attitude was a major turn off. People come and go. I believe in that. 

I want to do everything for and with someone I love . Planning anniversaries. Taking a photo together with polaroids. Endless dates with adventure. Trying new things with him. Have late night phone calls and skype with him. Missing each other when one goes holidays. Just that. Someone to fall in love with. 

Right now, I am guarding my heart. Kept reminding myself not to fall in love easily. Because I don't want to cry for someone who is not even mine to begin with. One sided love. I am tired. I am old for games. You want to stay, stay. If not, don't. Simple as that. 

I am letting Allah decide for me cause he knows whats the best for me. If it is H, then okay. If it is S, alright. Once that happens, I will decide to fall in love again. Maybe that time, I will be mature even more. Now, I have things to do and learn something new every day. Thats my goal. I have not contribute to society much. This will be my last post about relationship. If it happen one day, I will blog about it. If not, keep on waiting! 

Till then.

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